These are from her first walk around the neighborhood at...I think...5days old. By "walk" I mean to the next street and back. Mom was tuckered out.
Also it was Dad's 1st time wearing her in our Beco Carrier. He was very proud of himself.
Here's to sunshine and more walking this weekend.
(Shot with land camera and film that is still clinging on for dear life.)
We survived..or shall I say you survived an entire month! I don't think I've even had a plant live that long...
You are our big girl. Seems like you were born about 3yrs ago.
You can follow me back and forth with your eyes...which are looking more and more blue.
I try and keep you naked as much as possible. You're welcome. Believe it or not, someday people are going to expect you to wear clothes.
Your night time sleeps are getting longer and longer. Two nights ago you slept for 6hrs strait!
I love wearing you in the wrap for one of your daily naps. You still fold up into fetal position. The other day this plus having a dance party blasting junior boys was the only thing that helped you fall asleep.
You are very predictable. You do the same stretch when you wake up, make the same frantic binky sucks when you are falling asleep and smile at the same sounds.
I am better at calming you down but Dad is better at lulling you into a deep sleep.
We have become feeding champs. Not much to think about anymore. We got it down.
Dad had a business trip in Las Vegas and I am starting to get stir crazy so we went with! Your first time in a hotel, your first ride in an elevator and your first dinner out to Benihanas.
Oh, and your first walk through a casino. I had you wrapped in about 20layers and was blocking all other airways with my hands. And then I scrubbed you down once we were back in our hotel room. You are just so perfect. I don't want the dirty world messing you up.
You slept the whole 4hr ride there and the 4hr ride home! Thank you for that.
If you are really upset...having me hold you is sometimes the only thing that will calm you down. And you will go from scream to complete silence just staring at me like you have never been more content.
We thought you had grown out of NB size diapers but we were wrong. Size one's are way too big.
My favorite times of the day are after naps when we sit face to face and just look at each other.
I rarely call you by your name. You just seem more than that. She, her, one, baby, the babies, pooks, nuggie, sweetsies, piglet. Dad likes to call you his "Nova Girl". I like to call you mine.
(12 month of baby cards, gifted to me by my Heather..created by Blonde Designs).
It has been torture waiting to share this wedding with you.
You can read about every detail here, that Rebecca shared for the Martha Stewart Wedding Feature...but I have a few things to say..
Most weddings are really fun for me and some are more fun than others. Truth. This one was more fun. Non stop action packed wedding day, from start to finish. Wedding ceremony at the LA Latter Day Saint Temple.. followed by a bike brigade taking over LA? Me shooting in the back of a mini van? A picnic in the park? Diddy Riese ice cream sandwiches? A walk through the botanical gardens at UCLA with toasts afterward? A mini golf course at the Stagecoach Inn Museum chronicling their relationship? Cookies in the shape of their heads?!! This wedding was bananas!
It feels so good to finally get all this out.
A big huge thanks to the ever so stylish and creative Rebecca and to Derek, the dashing fellow with the ear to ear grin that stole her heart.
This is one wedding day that will be hard to forget.
I have been patiently waiting to share Rebecca and Derek's amazing wedding images with you...and now I can!
I am thrilled that Martha Stewart Weddings featured my work on their site and super excited for you to all see how great this wedding was.
Thank you Shira (from Martha) for being so great to work with and thank you Rebecca and Derek for choosing me to photograph your wedding extravaganza.
Stay tuned for a post featuring some of my favorites from their wedding day and in the meantime check out their online gallery here.
Seems like you have been here a lot longer than 3 weeks.
Your hair is getting lighter and your gaze is getting more direct.
I love the little grunt you make when stretching and waking from sleep. Sounds like a little horse neigh.
We took you to your first movie this week and to Costco. I kind of watched the movie in between constantly checking your little face in your carseat by the light on your dads cell phone. By the time the movie ended and you hadn't cried once, we were so proud and relieved.
I also took you on a walk to the grocery store for the first time. The checker at Stater Bros wanted me to tell you Donna was the first person to check you out at a grocery store. She even came from around her counter to take a peak at you. Of course she thought you were the most beautiful.
You need a little more to be soothed to sleep and still prefer to sleep on me or dad.
We gave you a binky for the first time and it nearly broke my heart.
Sometimes I kiss your lips while you are sleeping. Can't really help myself.
Acne made a showing this week. I loving called you my little pock faced obese baby...but your dad didn't think it was very fair.
Bounce bounce bounce. You have a serious need for us to bounce on the big blue ball.
Your dad and I celebrated our 2yr anniversary this week and spent most of dinner looking at you, taking turns holding/ soothing you and generally not wanting you out of our sight.
We all swung on the hammock this week on a beautiful 80 degree day in March.
I'm trying to soak in all your newborness. I know the daily hiccups won't last forever and neither will the fur on your ears. Your little clenched hands won't clench forever and eventually you will prefer not to sleep on my chest. But until then...I am soaking it all in.
Stay little please.
I interrupt baby mania to actually talk business. Imagine that!
Olive Magazine/Philippines contacted me about wanting to use some of the images I shot of French Laundry for their February Issue. I was thrilled. Not only did I get to relive all of the delicious moments while going through the shots but one of my favorite subjects was given due attention..FOOD.
I haven't really talked about this..but I have a 2nd website that is waiting patiently to go live featuring more of my commercial and editorial work. This will be a nice addition to the site. Stay tuned for the launch.
A huge foodie thank you to Olive Magazine for featuring my work.
(photo taken by Julia Bender)
Here's the scenario:
You've spent the last 13yrs wanting to document every worthy moment through a camera and lens. You live in extreme guilt (and sometimes pain) when you don't document said important moments. You try and tell yourself to be present, enjoy the moment as it is happening...and you do try and sometimes even succeed..but deep down you mourn the loss of capturing the perfect ray of light falling at the perfect moment illuminating the perfect expression or thought or mood. Deep down you wish you could have both, the experience and the recorded memory.
Being a Mom and a photographer isn't always easy.
After being up for 48hrs+ strait, 27 of which I was in labor....17 of which I was in active labor...in my home..without pain medication....The number one thing people wanted of me was PHOTOS. "Where are the pictures?" "Can't you just post a photo from your iphone" "We NEED to see her".
I get it people and I truly did sympathize.
I wasn't about to have the 1st photo of her shown to the world be a semi OK photo taken with a mobile phone. Sorry. This photographer knew her daughter deserved more.
So while she was yet one day old, I stole 10mins and tried to photograph my newborn. Emotions were running high. Family was waiting in the family room to meet her..but I only had 10mins of daylight, 1omins left of day one. 10mins to photograph a moment I had been anticipating for years..her 1st photoshoot. So of course I was in tears. "This isn't what I wanted!"..."I need more time!"...Standing was still uncomfortable. My emotions were fragile and so was my body. I held my camera with shaky hands and proceeded to climb to a standing position on top of my bed to get the right angle. Grant was helping to hold me up and with tears running down my face, I took a few shots.
Taking photos has gotten a bit easier...but still it's a constant balance between me as a photographer and me as a Mom. I know I am both..that won't change but I have found that at times the need to give in to the lack of perfection. Giving in to the fact that executing the vision exactly as I see it in my mind won't always happen.
Our families theme for the year is "Creating Space". In this situation I have found the need to let certain things go in order to create space for others. I need to hold her and feed her and look at her AND not because she needs it but because I need it...sometimes more that putting her down to get the shot.
Which leads me to the reason of this post! (Thanks for sticking with me this far). My friend Julia was coming over to meet our little gal and I asked her to bring her camera and get a few shots of us as a family. So glad I did. We don't have a lot of the three of us and the ones of her and I are always tinged with the stress of me setting up the shot, checking exposure etc. Julia came, shot and presented these beautiful photos...meanwhile I was holding, loving and kissing my best girl and guy.
I am going to get this photographing my own child thing down. Mark my words. Trust me I have already taken thousands of photos of her (not kidding). I am planning on posting some more images of our first few weeks together this week...that is unless I am too busy being present.
Any professional Mom/photographer combos out there that want to share their best tips for balancing the two roles?
I can’t stop calling you pooky or pooky bear or my pookster.
You don’t fall asleep on me after eating very much any more. Now we have to feed burp and soothe. I don’t mind. More time to cuddle you and whisper in your ear.
You can be very dramatic when you are tired..doing extreme backbends, acting starved but refusing to eat…and then 2 seconds later you are out cold.
We gave you a second bath this week in the bathroom sink and you loved it.
You make lots of eye contact and loved to be blowed on and tickled. You love to be stroked and touched.
Your entire body from the top of your head to your little bottom fits the length of my forearm. I can hold you in one arm.
Morning time is the best. You love hanging out with mom and dad in bed, content to just look at us and soak up all our praise.
When we try to burp you, you do an almost constant pushup.
When I am burping you , you get in your pushup position and then love staring at me about 2 inches away from my face.
You have a major need for speed. When the car starts moving you fall immediately asleep.
If you are asleep for more than two hours at a time, I start missing you really bad and really wish you would wake up.
I also feel like I need to hold you at least once an hour or I have major withdrawals.
It’s no surprise, I love you even more than I did last week.
PS. You stll only fit into your smallest clothes. Everything else drowns you.
[vimeo 20760015 w=800 h=590] Today is our two year anniversary of marital bliss.
In the last two years I have become a wife and a mother. A wife to a perfect partner and a mother to the pookiest of all pooksters.
Today there are so many reasons to celebrate.
As a surprise for Grant I did a very rough edit to our super 8 footage that we took last year during our trip to Europe. I have to apologize upfront for being in so many frames. When we travel I am usually the still footage photographer and Grant is usually the motion man.
We took this trip pre pregnancy and pre parenthood. As much as I love being with our Nova, I will always treasure all of the adventures we had with just the two of us before she arrived.
I love you Grant! I can't believe it has only been 2 years....It seems like we have been together forever.
(Music by White Hinterland, Song: Icarus)
Nova's first week has come and gone. Here are some impressions I wrote down for her:
In about an hr and a half, it will be a week from the moment you arrived. The moment you were born and I was re-born. You haven't been much for crying, even from the start. You cry when I don't feed you fast enough and that's pretty much it. You have the most beautiful face. Round and full. Your cheeks give me a chub attack and your lips are pouty and full. We didn't wash you for the first 5days. We just didn't want to wash all of the newborn off of you. I wasn't sure you would fit into your tiny newborn clothes but you did and do! Everything else drowns you. You love the bamboo blankets I bought you. My favorite thing this week is when after you have eaten you pull off and place your chubby cheek on top of my boob and are content to stay there all night. Sometimes when you do this you give milk coma smiles. I feel so proud that I helped contribute to that contentment. I also love your hot flushed face after you have eaten. You are exhausted and a little milk outlines your perfect pouty lips. I thought the days would go by slow..but they don't! I stare at you and before I know it another day has passed. The first time I showered, a day or so after your birth, I cried the entire shower. Your dad was in there helping me because I was still so weak. Part of the reason I was crying was because you were in another room from me. I never want to be away from you. The midwives said you have a "lusty" cry. I have to agree. You also have cleavage....What are we in for? Your hands in your sleeper mitts are the cutest little balls of fabric. You smell so good. I could sniff your hair, lips, cheeks and toes for hours and hours. My hand is about the size of your back and I like to leave it there so I can feel and see your chest rise and fall. Everyday I am sad you are one day older. The aging thing is going to be hard for me. I would rather have you sleep on, next too or in arms reach of me. I have woken up a few times panicked because you are not right on top of me. We like to always be touching each other. When you have been asleep for a few hrs and you wake up to feed, I'm always surprised at how much I missed you. Waking up in the middle of the night for you is not hard because I just love being with you and looking at you so much. You have spent the majority of this week naked with just your diaper on. Skin to skin keeps us both warm and helps us bond. You went for your first walk and your daddy carried you in the front carrier and you loved it. I worked with you at my computer with you on my lap. It seemed so normal. You were born with a hand next to the side of your head and still have those arms and hands always curled up next to you head. Speaking of arms...I counted 8 rolls on one of your arms this week. 8! You like to be soothed in an over the shoulder position or up against a chest. The first time I sang you your song after you were born, you stared at me and stopped moving. You recognized it. Your dad loves you a lot. He has been feeding me, answering the door and just taking care of business so you and I can rest and be together. He sacrifices for us. I loved you the entire time I was pregnant with you, but after you were born I loved you even more. All I care about is your comfort and well being. For your first outing to the pediatrician’s office we dressed you in a white onesie and gray polka dot leg warmers. You looked like you were about to do jazzercise. I'm having a hard time finding a balance between Mom and Photographer. I want to take photos of you constantly but I also want to hold you and stare at you constantly. It's the lot I will have to bear. It's raining tonight just like on the day you were born. I remember sitting in the tub in our bedroom and reaching out to touch the window during a contraction to see if the window felt cool. It did. It's almost 9:30. This was a break through time for me the night you were born. An hr later you were here and I couldn't stop smiling. I am still in shock that you came and that I live in a house with a baby. I am your Mom and know I am...but it all feels so normal that I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the huge change. I am excited to write out your whole birth story. I think I am ready. You are hungry so I better wrap this up. I never want you to change or grow or get older. I want you to be little forever......but then what about all the other stages? Everyone is obsessed with you. I am obsessed with you most. I grew you!!!!!! I miss you inside of me but am so happy you are here, healthy and all mine. We are an amazing team. The three of us.
Love, Mom
A week old and finally I have a name!
Feel free to call me by it anytime you like.
(photos of her one day old)
Born at home on Friday February 18th. 8lbs 10oz and 21in long.
Yes, she is still nameless...but not for long. In the meantime feel free to call her "Miss Chubby Cheeks".
We are totally in love, healthy and taking time for our new little family. Thanks for everyone's love and excitement.
We couldn't be happier.
"Hey, stand right there and let me test the light". His favorite line EVER.
Happy birthday to my favorite subject.
Love love love love love you.
Did you know that I have a younger brother with red hair? Yes, I do.
We are going to be happy with whatever baby girl looks like...but we love that she has a fighting chance for some curly red locks.
Scott is the only person I have ever called "Bud". It's his nickname and his alone. Ever since he was really young he was Bud.
We couldn't be more different when it come to coloring. His skin is a few shades lighter than mine and he is the only one in our family with a distinct hair color. We do have some similarities though..We are both the self proclaimed computer experts in the family. We both think we are pretty funny (even if no one else is laughing). We both love lounging around home in comfy clothes and we both have strong opinions and aren't afraid to share them.
Once when he was young (under 10) he gave me a card that said, "I'm your knight in shining armor". I still have it. Then, during the darkest year of my life thus far, on my birthday...he made me a wood plaque that reads, "You're Loved". It's sitting in my office right now. I think it was the most meaningful gift I have ever been given.
He is pretty great, right? I think so.
(We did a little green-screen shoot for some business images he needed in Dec. This was one my favorite faces.)
I have a cousin who married someone really amazing. She loves all things french, all things food and especially all things family. They are raising 4 scrumptious kids...which I hope my turn out like...exactly. Her blog is an inspiration. She talks about NORMAL stuff and when you read it it sounds like magic. Her love of food and of being a Mother constantly inspires me to stretch my creativity and to GIVE more.
Almost a year ago, she wanted to help me celebrate my new website launching and custom made me a menu. Finally a year later after passing through all sorts of weird pregnant food aversions, I made the meal. There was some substitutions based on what I had and how long I could stand in the kitchen before needing to de-swell my feet. But her menu helped us celebrate a dinner at home with "just the two of us" and Grant's birthday this week.
Bruschetta with fig/balsamic jam, green apple slices and melted gruyere
Fresh mixed green salad from this weeks CSA box from The Growing Experience
Roasted thyme and lemon chicken (made in our new Le Creuset french oven that we just treated ourselves with)
Sauteed corn with lemon and thyme (recipe on Grapefruit's blog. YUM)
Mashed potatoes with carrots
I'm always cooking at night and photo was taken on my iphone and I didn't truss the chicken AND...blah...blah...blah... You know what? It tasted good.
I ran out of steam last night but tonight for husbands dinner dessert I am making him pavlova with kiwi.
Thanks Grapefruit for your fantastic recipes and nourishing blog.
I am off to count the hours. xo.
[vimeo 19571109 w=800 h=590] With only 9 days until our due date, we need to give all the attention we can to this wondrous land we have been visiting for the last 10 months.
Filmed on an iphone using the 8mm app, the belly takes center stage. The loop tree is one of "our places" near our old house that we love to visit. We introduced baby girl to the tree and I rubbed my bare belly on it so she could get all the positive energy that oozes from it. Then we slow danced and sang our song that I wrote for her.
I feel like I need to make sure you all know how THRILLED and 99% we feel about becoming parents. I shared some of my feelings in the last blog post to remind myself that we aren't all made up of happy happy, positive positive all the time. We are all duel sided...but I am sorry if I left any of you worried or wondering about how I feel about my own capabilities or excitement at becoming a new mom.
So here are some Friday confessions for this week on a slightly more positive note:
- I have LOVED my pregnant body. I have felt more myself, full, complete and drop dead sexy.
- Although I know there will be transitions, I secretly am glad I already spend a far amount of time at home. I think this will give me an edge with some of the adjustment.
- I'm pretty positive she will be the most gorgeous breathtaking thing any of us have ever laid eyes on. ESPECIALLY if she is plump plump plump.
- I have never appreciated my body more. I honor every part of it in a whole new light. I read this quote a few nights ago that my midwives shared in our birthing bible and wanted to share it with you all:
The beauty of my body is not measured by the clothes it can fit into, but by the stories that it tells. I have a belly and hips that say, " We grew a child in here, " and breasts that say "We nourished life." Mu hands, with bitten nails and a writer's callus, say, " We create amazing things." - Sarah, from I Am Beautiful: A Celebration of Women in Their Own Words.
I agree with EVERY word.
- I am so grateful I have had so much time around newborns. I know how to hold, soothe, kiss and trick them (like rubbing their cheeks to get them to turn their head for a photo....sorry baby just a photo trick not time to breastfeed!)
- I have learned so much from our midwives and birth classes and feel so confident about our choice to birth at home.
- Yes my back hurts and my body rolls from room to room but I spent most of my time knowing how much I will "miss" her once she is out. She is going to feel so far away.
- Guess who gets to have feeding, loving, cuddling, diaper changing time with her two favorite people in just a short few days?! ME!
We anxiously await her arrival at every moment.
I am 38weeks pregnant and still don't really believe..deep down...that we'll have a baby in a few weeks. I pretty much have only worn flip flops for the last 9months.
I've prepped for natural birth, as much as I can, but most of the time feel completely unprepared.
My mind goes into overdrive at nights and Grant's is in slow motion. This is really annoying.
In part of my dream last night I was trying to back a motor home out of a parking lot and the brakes didn't work.
Sometimes it seems like every other photographer out there is honing their craft..studying, experimenting and I am just sitting around doing the same ole' thing.
I want to dress nice and feel fashionable but most of the time never think about what I am wearing. Product of working from home?
I know very little about vaccinations and have no idea how I feel about them.
I wake up every morning and have to stretch my hands out because they are so swollen and painful.
I need a new hair style BAD but keep putting off cutting it. Do I really want to have bangs again? Why can't my hair grow faster?
Still haven't installed the car seat.
I usually have a little whipped cream at least once a day.
I feel guilty when I don't talk aloud enough to my unborn baby.
I've been using the same mascara for almost 2yrs. Shouldn't my eyes be falling out?
The sheets on our bed bug me so bad. They are always so crinkly! Why can't they be smooth?
We are heading to Palm Springs this weekend for our "last" weekend away.
I am trying to enforce the no reading for education policy for this weekend, only trashy magazines...but feel guilty because we should be brushing up on birthing positions.
I've never felt ready to be a parent. I know I can do it but that is different than feeling ready.
Sometimes when stuff is really hard I will express out loud that this wasn't the life I choose.
THEN sometimes when life is pretty alright I'll wonder why I have it so easy.
There is probably nothing I fear more than missing out on a moment by not being emotionally present.
I am 100% happy and confident in choosing a homebirth.
I'm excited to lay on my stomach again.
Naming a baby is hard.
But it's easy to be excited about another person to love. Loving people is the best.
Please feel free to comment with any confessions of your own.
Let's just say it how it is. The real reason to travel is to eat. Am I right, or am I right?
[vimeo 19195286 w=800 h=590] We put together the crib last night. I thought it would be fun to make a lil' stop motion video of the festivities. My first stop motion project..all shot while bouncing on my birthing ball.
Papa loves taking care of his girls.
**Song: Gamma Ray, Artist: Beck
I need to blog MORE.
It's not that I don't have work to share...actually it's quite embarassing...I still haven't shared all the photos from our honeymoon (2yrs ago) to Brazil AND I still have some favorites from our trip last year to Europe that haven't been shown.
Well, even if shooting slows slightly while I Mother the next couple of months, we all know there isn't a shortage of images to show...now just if I could find the time to be the blogger I know I can be.