11 Months

When I think about what I will miss most about her first year...it's always the day to day things. The way she looks crawling into our bedroom. The snuggle time in bed. The "normal" stuff that we often overlook as the magic. But when we look back in our memories it's all the normal stuff that makes the magic. So I gave myself a personal project for her 11 month photoshoot, to document a day, unaltered, unposed. Just us being us.

I didn't clean up. I didn't take off my bathrobe until 1pm. It wasn't the most exciting or photogenic day. The light wasn't always perfect...the shots not all worthy of "oohs and ahhs". But to me they are just as they should be...REAL.

Thanks to Grant for partnering with me on this. I do spend a lot of my day with her on my hip and am so grateful that Grant could capture her and I together.

So here it is, a day with Nova on her 11 month birthday:

You like to look out the window first thing when you wake up.

Dad changes your morning diaper.

Pretty much how we sleep all night long together.

Hey world, I'm 11 months old!

I love when you throw your neck back like this. Like you are too relaxed to keep your head upright.

Cheeks.

I never knew I would have a baby that likes stuffed animals so much. You LOVE them.

Always crawling with something in your right hand.

Trying your first green smoothie. Nom noms?

*this face*

Your new trick is to tear everything off your shelves. This is my favorite photo from this post.

Feed to sleep...

"Mom!! I don't like napping! I want to stay up with you and Dad!!"

..Fine. We'll read a book.

You hang on my leg constantly. You would always prefer to be in my arms than on your own.

Our happy place.

Lamby, we bought for you in New Zealand.

Getting dressed is kind of the worst.

...it's just so sad.

Happy tears.

Finally asleep. Bum in the air. (You are a light sleeper, so taking this photo was extremely dangerous).

This is what we do when you're asleep...(and a little work).

Awake and the cutest thing we ever did see.

Relaxing with mama as I wake up.

One of us sits next to you most of the time while we are in the car. 1st child luxuries.

Meeting Mom's cousins on Balboa island for my first frozen banana.

Walking , walking, walking. I just want help walking on my own two feet 24/7.

Pushing around the side table as a walker, sans one moccasin.

Let me in that bathroom!

Bathtime with one of us (always...another 1st child luxury). Don't worry Grant is wearing swim trunks.

Is there anything better in the world than wet baby eyelashes?

Dry off, lotion up, diaper, and one last drink before bedtime. (You're welcome for that bum shot).

In your crib until your next wake when we gobble you up in bed with us. Until then we'll miss you...serious.

Have we really almost made it a year?

I can tell you are ready...ready to be bigger.

...Except when you let me hold you like a little baby and sing to you and coo at you while wrapped in your favorite pink blanket.

You want to feed yourself. No more of that mushy spoon fed stuff. You want pieces you can pick up w your own fingers.

You can eat parts of anything we eat and that makes meal time so much easier. You are still partial to avocado, cheese, bread..basically anything you can feed yourself.

You talk and breastfeed at the same time. Sometimes I catch you giggling too.

The other night we were winding down singing songs in your room and while we were cheek to cheek you turned & kissed me on my lips.

Everything is your own personal walker. Side tables, chairs, anything that slides on the concrete floors.

You got a plastic car/walker/seat/music player thing from Gma and Gpa Thurston that you push around on the slippery concrete like a boss.

Your independence is growing & I'm trying to wrap my mind around it. I know its necessary & good but I can't help but feel a tiny bit sad about it. Maybe sad is the wrong word...mourning the moving on maybe..

Your hair is getting longer and looking blonder. You have crazy bed head when you wake up.

Your eyelashes are so long and luscious.

Your front top teeth have broken through and are working their way down.

You play peekaboo with anything. A curtain, a blanket, a toy. Today in the car you used my hand.

Definitely ticklish under your armpits. Laughs every time.

You want us to hold your hands and walk you around everywhere. You walk towards one of us with the biggest silliest grin on your face.

You are finally over double your birth weight. To me you are the perfect size.

Ma ma ma ma when you are tired or hungry or sad or hurt or needy.

Da da da da da when you don't want to nap!

We have been calling you Nuh nuhs, pickle, nutty, my little chicken, do dos, zuzus, Nutty...and when we really mean it, Nova or Novs.

We have caught you going from sitting to standing without holding on to anything. Very impressive.

We have also caught you wrestling and snuggling with your giant stuffed bear when no one is watching. You will burrow your face in his belly and roll all over him. A-DOR-A-BLE.

You love to hand us stuff..and then take it back. You also love feeding me stuff. Hilarious when mom eats out of your hand.

Sometimes when you have had enough or aren't sure what you want you will cross your arms and uncross them and then cross them again.

You love getting into everything--in fact, you can’t play in the office as much anymore because you are very busy and you can definitely be anywhere you want to be by crawling, standing, or climbing.

You love music..you dance and sometimes when the music is on, you want to stand in front of the speakers and “watch it”.

Yo gabba gabba transfixes you. You have only watched it a few times so everyone chill!! 

We have to watch that you don’t drop heavy things on yourself now because you can lift or pull amazing amounts of weight from shelves and drawers, you’re just not sure how to put them down yet.

Love the birds (crows) that come cawing at dusk each day.  You hear them and look for them so we take you outside and you love to see them fly and perch on the power lines.

I swear you call birds "Ca's".

You babble a lot but we still aren't really sure what words you for sure know. Mama and Dada seem pretty solid though.

You just got a big girl carseat and we finally bought a Bob jogging stroller. You were strollerless for 2+months. Which was fine..we love toting you in the carrier but I think you will be more comfy in the stroller for long walks.

So one more month until you are one. Hard to believe. There are so many projects I want to do to celebrate and remember your first year. But mainly the most important thing I want to do is watch you. I don't want to miss noticing anything. Your Dad and I were discussing if we thought we had given you enough undividided attention your first year...had we looked enough at you? Had we spent good quailty time with you? Happily the answer was YES. This was something I knew I would regret more than anything...not really being present for you in the way that I wanted to be. I am happy to say I have no regrets in that department. I haven't been perfect. Days spent away from you for shoots have damn near killed me. They have been few and far between but those days are long for both of us...and afterwards I have to always ask myself if those days I am away take something away from you that I can't give back. Finding the balance has been the main topic in our home..and I am guessing will be maybe forever. What I do know is we are close as close can be. For everyday I am away from you I give myself at least one full day of only you and I time to fill in the missing spots. You and I and Dad are making it work. Truth be told I am feeling like if we could make it past year 1 of baby 1 we can make through any year!! Throw a few more kids in the mix..no big deal! (right?!)

You encompass every thought I have and every decision I make. You are the sun the rest of us revolve around.

Let's celebrate every tiny moment we have this month growing together and every growing moment after that as well...forever.

 

Christmas 2011

We had an early Christmas with Grant's side of the family here in California before flying to Utah Christmas Eve to spend a few days with my side. I didn't shoot a whole lot while we were in SLC...was just enjoying the down time and looking at my daughter with my eyeballs and not through glass. Here are some shots of our favorite leading lady's 1st Christmas:

The loot.

She didn't even hesitate...She knew which pile was hers!

This was her reaction to the wonder of Christmas presents. Priceless. We couldn't have staged it anymore perfect.

Eat that baby!!

Proof she has parents.

Thanks to Grant and Anna for catching some candid moments of me with Nov's. I never get these!! And I really love this one. I am constantly kissing her neck and I think this is our only photo of me doing it.

As children we deemed the "FC" (favorite child) to the person who got the tears from Mom with their Christmas gift to her. This year Anna won with a churchy gift that my mom obviously loved. Anna: FC.

We had Kate and Jake this year, so I whipped up a simple wedding album for them.

Had to bring these from CA...for peppermint joe joe shakes!!

These 2 images are my favorites from Christmas. She was obsessed with the tree and spent hours staring at it and pulling at it. Look at that face. I made that.

...oh, she also liked crawling underneath it. Once she did she was kind of confused on how to get out.

Playing in the dirtiest corners..always.

Love this shot. Thanks to whoever snapped it. She is almost always within an arms reach of me.

Under the tree once last time before bed.

Family photo of us doing what we do at my mom's...chillin hard. Watching some-sort of video on our phone and just enjoying our time off.

We had a great Christmas and we hope you did too. Christmas is different once you are an adult...but then once you have kids the magic is back in full force. I loved buying her presents so much and she would have been happy with one new sippy cup.  Grandma and Grandpa spoiled her with a puppy that barks and walker she can push...we also bought her the Shirley Temple movies, which were my favorites from childhood. I hope she loves them too.

Gosh, love my little family so much. xo.

Best of 2011

...and this is only what I actually blogged. I still have more 2011 images yet to come.

The interesting thing about this year was I only worked half of it...June through December. Those 7 short months were so amazing for my business that Grant joined up with me. In 2011 the word "family" took on a whole new meaning for us.

I was tempted to only show one image..which wraps up the whole year for me..one of my sweet Nova. Really she was the focus, the center, the star. BUT then I realized without the trust and work my amazing clients give me, we wouldn't be in the same situation , we wouldn't be able to focus so much on what really matters the most to us.

So from the bottom of this new mothers heart, thank you. Thank you for letting me be a part of your celebrations and challanges and newness...and thank you for being a part of mine.

My prices have been raised for 2012. My time is more precious and my family more needy. I will only take select weddings and commercial jobs. I want to give only my best to my sweet clients and to my family.  I am so exited at the new opportunities I'm sure await me in 2012. The new relationships, the new images I will create and the new changes for my family.

I have so many amazing ideas swirling in my head. Ideas that 2012 will bring to the surface.

Happy New Years!!

Love, Rachel, Grant and Nova

10 Months

I was pregnant with you for 10 months and now you have been breathing air for 10 month. 20 months of living.

How can so much personality be wrapped up in one little nutty baby?

As you near one year of age I find myself clinging on to every single detail I can find that tells me you are still a baby.

One of those details is..you love to be held. As much as possible.

This could be for a number of reasons..one being you have started getting a little separation anxiety. I didn't know it was even possible but you are getting more attached to your Mama. You pull on my leg asking to be lifted. If I walk out to the office you will sometimes cry or bang on the front door until I come back inside.

They say babies don't know they are a seperate person from their moms until around 1yr. I can see you figuring out you're an individual but needing to make sure I am still really nearby.

With all the travelling you have done in the past few months it makes sense that you are a little needier at bedtime. You like to be fed or rocked to sleep.

We try to not have your sleep patterns be our only topic of conversation but it's hard.

We wrap you up in your pink blanky and rock and feed on the blue rocker...and then if we need help, Dad will come in and bounce on the ball with you until you are out cold. We lay you in your crib and you sleep like an angel. Today you napped for almost 3hrs strait.

Needless to say we spend a lot of time staring at your sleeping face. More times than not we can't help ourselves but to give you a little kiss on your slumbering lips.

We both have neck and back pain due to our tireless soothing. This may be why we are disfigured when your older. Just want you to know.

You are pushing tables, stools, and chairs, anything that will slide around the room, as if they are walkers. It's adorable..and sometimes makes a terrible noise

You can walk around and stand up against anything now.

Yesterday you stood on your own for 7seconds.

You see other kiddos walking and I can see it in your eyes..jealousy. Soon enough baby. Soon enough.

You started clapping! If anyone cheers or if you hear clapping you give us a big toothy grin, bounce and clap along. If one of your hands is already in use (while eating, or holding a toy) but you still must clap, you will clap against your stomach or the side of your face.

You also started waving. We wave ni-nights to dad before we go in your room or when one of us has to leave. Sometimes it is a delayed reaction wave that doesn't happen until we are already out of sight.

You are our big eater!! Carrots, avocado, blueberries, apples, puffs, yogurt melts..veggies and fruit galore. It's amazing to be able to sit at the table as a family and all eat together. This means your dad and I are actually fixing meals again and eating at the same time. You can pick things up with your little fingers and place them in your own mouth. We are so proud of you.

You also don't mind sour foods. Lemon wedge..no big deal. Grapefuit juice, yes please. You're so hardcore.

I love watching your little pointer finger explore all the little things..A crumb on the floor, a stain on my shirt, an eye on a stuffed animal. We are constantly amazing at your hand coordination. We didn't teach you these things!! You just knew.

You talk so much now. We are pretty sure your first word was ma-ma. If you want me or food, you definitely say "ma" or "mum" or "mama". When that happens you get whatever you want immediately. heart-melt.

When you wake up in the morning the first sound you usually make is "Baa" (your favorite sound). You lay in my arms and tell me about your dreams. Then once you are awake enough you proceed to conquer me and dad.

"Conquering" is when you climb up on something higher than you and pound on the conquered item and you shriek and bounce. Usually it is on top of our heads..but sometimes it is a wall or a cushion. But usually climbing on top of us and pounding on us HARD.

You love to climb. One time dad looked down from doing dishes and you were standing in the dishwasher. Once we found you standing on the fireplace trying to climb the rocks. You have climbed onto the couch a couple times too.

You also started backing yourself off of things when you want to get down...stairs, beds, chairs, couches. It's awesome but scary.

When you crawl you almost always have a toy in your right hand as you crawl around. Usually a small plastic animal or your bath-time octopus.

You have been into the pantry the last couple of weeks and love crawling around with bags of dried pasta or rice. That rice bag is heavy..but you want to lug it around as you crawl..every once in a while pulling the 20lb bag up to your mouth so you can suck on it. What are you? She-ra?

The amount of twisting and squirming you do while having your diaper changed or clothes put on is out of control. We've actually resorted to performing musical numbers while we change you so you are stunned long enough to hold still. If I change you, dad usually sings and dances to a rendition of "luck be a lady tonight". If dad changes you, I usually sing some mashup with made up lyrics to Christmas melodies. Don't knock it till you've tried it.

Your 1st Christmas!!

You are really not that into the tree..although everything starts about halfway up.

Sorry about the mini gift on your head for the photoshoot. I had an idea, went with it. Not my proudest moment but I do have to say you look like a little who from whoville which is stinking adorable...so it wasn't a complete mom fail.

You screamed in Santa's lap (for the photo of course).

You had 2 late-overs with Winston this month so the parents could take turns going to the movies.

We haven't used the stroller once this month. Not once. You get bigger and we use the stroller less. SO much easier to carry you than to lug a stroller around.

New York City..Brilliant without a stroller.

You went to mama's favorite city for the first time! You loved it...but it might have been because Uncle Benny was so fun and let you in the MET while it was closed on a Monday. Lucky baby!

After last month's marathon travels and plane rides to Aus, NZ and New York...we have decided to never go on a flight over 2hrs with you again. Not because you were hard, you were awesome...we just went a little crazy. We are all better now but are super glad the flight tomorrow to Utah is only 2hrs and we get to fly out of Long Beach airport, our favorite.

Favorite toys: Baby doll holding strong, old cell phones, noah's ark toys, anything stuffed, bag of rice, gate blocking the master bathroom, the "my family" book, my light meter, a roll of 12o film still in the plastic wrapping.

I want to re-commit myself to photographing more of the everyday moments. I have to make time for that. It is a top priority.

We put a sponge curler in your hair for the first time. It was the cutest thing that has ever happened to us.

We lit your first fire. You loved it.

You are forming all sorts of new expressions and ticks...gritty face, grinding your gums (probs because of teething), tipping your head from side to side..

You are becoming a little girl so full of wonder and expression and imagination.

You play so well with others and by yourself.

If you hear another baby crying you are always so concerned and we have to talk to you about what is happening and how it will be OK.

You are complete joy and absolute perfection. We couldn't love you more. We cherish every last inch of you. I am so proud of the loving, aware, sensitive soul you are. I love how close you want to stay to your dad and me. I hope that never changes. When you throw you little arms around my neck and burrow your face in my shoulder or face I have never been happier. At the Thanksgiving table when we all went around and said what we were most thankful for, when it came to me I couldn't stop the tears from falling down my face as I said, "It's been the best year of my life"...and I mean it.

My sweetest baby. You have made this the best, most fulling year of my life. Merry Christmas little one.

 

 

 

9 Months

 

You turned 9 months old in New Zealand!...living out of a van.

You got your first stamps in your passport. Australia and New Zealand.

I'm pretty sure when you are a teenager you will be mad you can't remember all the fun adventures we had with you as a baby.

Everybody on the airplane falls madly in love with you. You will stare directly at someone smiling until they give you attention. It's hilarious.

You force mankind to be closer. It's like you're saying. "come on! we can't just ignore each other!..you and I are the same, we're both people!!"

I have to admit, sometimes I'm not in the mood to be your voice during and after you make a new friend BUT I always end up being glad it happened.

Babies are the great equalizer. They are the glue. You are super glue.

This month you've slept pretty much every night directly on top of me.

But I think we both need it...it's been such a busy month & we miss each other.

I had one of my longest works days yet. We were apart for 14hrs. I felt it.

2 teeth!!!!!

We finally understood what teething actually means. You had a week where you were just not yourself..more serious, more tired, needier...I'm sure it was teeth pain.

You talk non-stop. Your jabber sounds like sentences.

Kind of sounds like you say dada & mama & this month your favorite sounds has been a puh sound or puu.

You are getting more & more strawberry blond hair.

I linger after every kiss to take  in a little bit more of your sweet breath. I think uncle Matt Smith said it best when he stated, "she smells like heaven".

It's crazy the amount of stuff you can reach from a standing position. You get up to the tippiest of toes & pull that lotion bottle right on down.

Nuh nuhs, pickle, sweetsies, novs, (the classic) nutty & the occasional Zuu zuus are all used in reference to you. Zuu zuus is an expression also used to let you know when something's exciting or new.

You are an unswaddled sleeping champ. You still need a little human touch to fall asleep & we want to thank you for that.

Brought your stroller to aus/nz & haven't used it once. Beco carrier all the way. So much easier for everyone.

You wave. No joke. You make the cutest hand gestures. A flip of the wrist..waving towards you..if I wave you wave back.

You've always done this..but when you are the most excited and happy you open your mouth super super wide. I think you must unhinge your jaw to make this happen. The expression is pure joy.

I love that when I type out these lists every month spell check goes crazy. We have to make up words to describe life with you.

We didn't do a formal photoshoot this month but shot a lot of film of you while we were travelling...waiting for film to develop is the worst!

You got sick for the 1st time in new Orleans. Absolute worst thing ever. Throwing up, fever...we were so sad for you. I breastfeed you non stop & within 24hrs you felt a lot better. Oh man..I did not like that one bit.

Interest in food is starting to pick up. Carrots, avocados, apples, blueberries  are among the winners. We even let you suck on a lemon wedge & you didn't bat an eye & wanted more. You one crazy baby.

I miss you when you're right next to me...like that's not even close enough.

You are so smart and perceptive. Your sense awareness is uncanny. You notice, feel & experience everything so fully.

After a long day of helping to soothe you, your dad came out of your room after bouncing you to sleep & stated if you would let him he would bounce you for 50hrs strait. We then sat on the couch both half asleep ourselves & listed all the things we love best about you. That's what you do to us. You can be in the next room & we just marvel at the perfection you are. She's beautiful. She's quick. She's sensitive. She's strong. And then your dad said, "she's just so brave". We both laughed after he said it...but you are! So brave & so trusting. Brave to choose us as your parents. Brave to try so many new things. Fearless. You are our superhero. Our super Nova.

(forgive the sparse list this month..this is already almost two weeks late. I promise I will make up for it with your 10 month post.)

November Baby

This is what it's like being a baby in California. There are naked days year round.

We are back from our adventures abroad and have loads and loads and loads of fantastic work to share that we shot along the way.

We leave in a few days to NYC for a wedding we are shooting this weekend. It will be Nova's 1st time in her mama's favorite city. Oh, how I have missed that island.

While we are hustling to get work done..enjoy a few lazy posts of our wee one. Tomorrow will be her belated 9 month post.

I love November. I'm sad it's ending.

(no babies were harmed in the creation of this photograph. Dad was just out of the right side of the frame. Shot in our front yard next to the fig tree we heart big time... on the contax w portra 800 film)

Baby Crib

I finished off a roll to document the moment before we had to drop the crib.

This seems like so long ago since she wasn't even standing yet..and now she is almost standing unassisted.

These were shot in really low-light so the colors are a little wonky..but I don't care. Some are also a tad blurry because of said low-light, don't care. I love these, imperfect as they are.

Orange You Glad

 

Maybe my favorite photo ever.

We were visiting The Institute of Contemporary Art while in Boston..and this auditorium had huge windows looking out on to the water, WHICH produced amazing light on these chairs and my child.

Check out that tongue.

Boston + Nutty

Boston really was about cool backdrops for taking photos of my true loves. G & N, of course.

A little Boston Commons, Neptune Oysters (for a lobster roll) and ending with some shots of her with her auntie in Waldon Pond.

I think Boston is one of my favorite cities.

I Love My Mummy

 

We thought it was only fitting that Nova should be a mummy for Halloween since she slept swaddled for the first 8mos of her life. Big news around here is the swaddle is no longer!! It is kind of amazing. It is so weird to see her grow up. I looked at her face mid-day yesterday and I promise you she looked like a little girl..and not a baby. (She also has cut TWO teeth this week!!)

We are mad men over here prepping for our trip to Australia and New Zealand next week. Editing, emailing, culling, organizing, trying to figure out what a 15hr plane ride with a babe will be like..ordering film, trying to sleep...Sorry if I am a little quiet on the blog right now. It only means I am busy working on lots of new stuff to show you!!

8 Months

My darling baby. You are 8 months old.

You drink through a straw.

You stand on your own two feet.

Your noises sound like words.

You reach out for me when you need me.

You crawl to my feet and pull on me when you need to be held.

You try to eat food..even though you prefer your honey milk more.

You are 8 months old and your dad and I are madly in love with you.

This month has been full of so many fun changes.

You make so many new sounds now. da da da and ma ma ma. Mostly  da da da though. It's hard for us not to imagine you are calling out to your dad..so we just pretend you are.

You and I still sing together. You love singing! You join in whenever hear a tune. When I sing you your morning song or any other song for that matter you lock eyes with me and match my tone. It absolutely makes me dizzy with delight.

After our duets I usually try to kiss you for about 5hrs but you just want to get down and move.

You move CONSTANTLY.

You are a pro crawler now but could kind of care less about it. All you want to do is stand.

The only purpose of crawling is to get you to where you can stand. The edge of the couch. chairs. foot stools. windows...anything you can paw and pull yourself to standing.

We can only imagine how exhausted you must be by the end of day from doing pull ups non-stop.

You stand and bounce from excitement.

Sometimes you get daring and go one handed or the ole' lean the shoulder against the couch trick. "No hands Mom!!"

Standing means falling.

You have bruised your eye lid, banged you head, cut your lip and recently gave yourself a black eye.

It's amazing to see how fast your body heals. And every time it does I think about how my body made that body and I feel like super mom. The novelty of my body creating another body has still not worn off.

We have started baby proofing the house. We know it won't stop the occasional bonk and bruise but hopefully it will lessen the blow.

Can you do me a little favor? Wait at least two more months before you start walking?

Your fingers can touch and poke and explore so much. I love watching you lay next to me in the mornings and just touch the edge of your blanket and look at the tiny piece of fabric in your hands with such wonder.

It must be amazing to experience all of your senses for the first time.

All of the things we take for granted you are transfixed by. The pattern on our cement floors. The light filtering through the blinds. The tiny bit of carpet fuzz stuck to the bottom of your feet. All of it is such a wonder. You help us look at things we have been ignoring or forgotten about. You help me see more clearly.

Waking up next to you is still one of my most favorite things of all time. You smile and snuggle and like to lay across my chest and stare at the big windows and chatter with the morning light. You pull on dad's hair and go back and forth between us so happy to have mom and dad all to yourself.

You like being touched as you fall asleep. If you are in the car you need one of us touching your cheek before you can drift off. I touch your cheek & help hold your binky in as you hold on to my arm in a death grip. You are a skin to skin baby.

You have started nuzzling your head down in the carpet and rolling around asking to be wrestled with. You love some tickling and kissing.

Big belly laughs whenever we blow on your belly or tickle your rib cage.

You love, love, love when we get on the floor and play with you. Daddy will play follow the leader with you as he crawls and you follow. You shriek and giggle.

You basically love all interactive play time.

You smile through pretty much everything. Rain or shine.

You love other babies. You are so stoked to play with Winston. You chase the boys around and pull at them. You also get so excited and do your really loud shriek/yell when you are around other kids and scare most of them.

You are still our baby-a-go-go. We just got back from Boston visiting your Aunt Jenelle and Uncle Conny and today we leave to shoot a wedding in New Orleans.

You are really good on planes but travelling with you is still one the of the most exhausting things. I am so glad we are two against one. How do other people do planes with multiple children?!

You have discovered splashing in the tub.

Favorite toys: remotes, iphones, big bowls and this tacky standing leap frog learning table.

I am totally stressed that you don't have more shoes (to me it is the difference between me being a good mom or a bad mom..foot coverings. Ridiculous. If only I lived in Hawaii..I wouldn't be bothered by dumb shoes).

The problem is your heels are narrow and your feet are long. Nothing fits. Argh.

I also stress about you choking. You are such a gagger even on pureed food. We just need to ease you slowing in to the world of swallowing more than milk. We try but you are on your own schedule. We will follow your cues.

Hopefully we will always be aware of you enough to follow your cues and give you what you need.

Where are your teeth?! Seems like you have been teething for 3 months already.

Dad joined the photo business!!!! We are kind of freaking out about it.

He is home more to share Nova time so I can try and scramble to get caught up with work. Having him with us is pretty much the best ever.

We bought you a wooden camera which we named the "Nutty Cam" in honor of the joint venture.

This last month my hard drive crashed on my iMac. I thought I had lost the journal I wrote for you while I was pregnant. Apple said, dead. Another recovery place said, dead. Sent the HD to Drive Savers and guess what? They retrieved ALL of it. Every last word of my madefromscratch word document. We had to pay a pretty penny....but we decided it was worth it.  I put myself in your shoes and decided it would have been worth it to me. Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas for the rest of your life.

Your one year birthday seems to be creeping towards me...but I am trying to hide.

8 months of our lives being completely turned upside down. 8 months of holding my very own daughter in my arms. 8 months of being a mother. A full-on mom. A breastfeeding, clothes not quite fitting, hair being pulled out, sleep-deprived , madly in love, can't believe how amazing life is MOM.

Most days I feel completely unworthy and overwhelmed at the task of giving you every single opportunity you deserve. Most days I still feel like I am 18yrs old and am not quite sure how I ended up with a career a husband and daughter. Most days I wonder how I could ever split my attention with other future children? Most days I want my life to stay exactly how it is right now (minus the extra body weight).

Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for letting me be your mom.

 

 

 

Piggies

Yesterday we had to lower her crib.

She has gotten that big.

I often wonder if I am appreciating all of the little moments and little things that are happening right now.

Am I present enough?

The other day I pushed on her nose..and I wasn't sure if I had ever felt it before. I then proceeded to touch her chin and her ear lobes and all the parts I may not give enough attention too. I am usually good at seeing the small stuff (which is why i'm not half bad at my job)...but with her there is SO much small stuff that I tend to feel overwhelmed.

Take her piggies for instance. They are numero uno as far as the cute factor goes. I need to give them way more attention. I need to take deep breaths, step away from the devices and be more present with my baby and my husband. I need to make it a priority.

Weekend challenge: take 15mins everyday to just "be" with yourself, your spouse or your children. I think it would help us all feel a little bit better. A little bit more connected.

xo- Rachel

Gimme That Camera!

We are on our way to Boston today. Spending a few days with an Aunt and Uncle who haven't spent much time with nutz yet. We are all looking forward to it. Especially Nova. She loves 5hr flights.

This week has been busy and our to-do-list keeps getting increasingly longer but we are happy. Life is good.

Anyone have any last minute insider tips for Boston? The most important question I have is whether or not there is a fantastic lobster roll there? I need one in a bad bad way.

Happy weekend.

7 Months

I'm having a harder time being timely with your monthly photoshoots. I promise you were 6mos old last week.

I feel like the 6mos mark gets all the attention but honestly..7mos is a huge month for change..at least for you.

You crawl everywhere. On your knees now. Although it's easier to belly slide on concrete floors (your poor knee caps).

We thought it was amazing when we found you had pulled yourself up to your knees and then 2 days later you had learned to pull yourself up to to standing!! Say what?!

You will put your chubby fingers on any ledge and pull yourself up. Window ledges are your favorite.

You are so mobile now and so daring..that bumps and bruises are starting to appear. You had your 1st big fall standing next to a stool in the kitchen..when you both went over. Bruise on your head and a sad mom and babe.

I try not to over worry but it's hard to know what I should worry about. A bruise to your head...what if you had internal bleeding? Or a concussion and I had no idea? I guess being an attentive parent gives me an edge but still sometimes I have to throw my hands in the air and pray for the Gods to keep you alive.

You sit on your own when you want but you always prefer your stomach or the famous "Nova lounge" position. Laying on your side tugging at the leg of your pant. We should patent that.

You make the cutest clicking sounds with your tongue and mouth now.

You have also started pursing your lips and blowing when you are thinking hard about something. It absolutely kills me dead. I love seeing you find your own way to express your emotions.

You are very in to the mechanics of how things work. Hinges, latches, knobs..all very interesting

You bang your arm down to your side. Like bam bam.

Also when on your belly, you will take crawling breaks to tap the ground with your right foot.

You are still in the damn swaddle. But how can I damn it when you slumber so well wrapped up? You nap around 3.5-4hrs during the day and then sleep 11hrs every night. Damn that swaddle.

Naps are in your crib and nighttime is in between dad and I.

Co-sleeping is a dream 99% of the time. We never get out of bed all night. There is no question of what you need and when you need it. But there are certain nights when you don't feel well and I think dad coined it best when he said, "It's like a monkey was in our bed last night". Yes, yes it was.

You sleep with your legs spread wide like a little cowgirl and if you fall asleep while I am nursing you..your kicking legs end up clam and crossed.

You are now in the 50% for size. I have decided I don't care much for percentages. You will have plenty of time on your own as a teenager comparing you body to others. Why make you go through it now? As long as you are thriving, any size is great with us.

Almost all of your dark baby hair is gone and is now replaced with a strawberry blond color. It is very wispy and fuzzy.

I have also noticed you have a very flat head. You should maybe think about balancing stuff on it as a career. Serious. You would make loads of money.

Playing with mixing bowls is super fun right now.

Also, pushing around end tables is really fun too.

You are very social. You will go to anyone and aren't afraid to grope faces or stick fingers in mouths..or their fingers in yours.

The only thing you fear..is the blender.

If look at you or talk to you, you pretty much always smile.

You notice and see the smallest things now. Buttons, any new space. You take in the world 360degrees. I love when we go on walks you and crane your head back to look at the trees or the sky.

You see light. Some adults are even good at noticing the nuances in light...but you do. You notice the line of light on the wall or the ray peaking through the curtain. This makes your photographer Mom VERY proud.

Food is not your thing. Avocado has gotten the best response..but still not very interested. How can that be? How can you be my daughter and not like food?

You crawl to me now when you need me. Love. You start climbing up my legs until I pick you up.

You didn't feel well a couple days this month and you just wanted me to hold you all day long. Didn't matter what I was doing...it was better in my arms than not.

Nighttime you need Mom. Dad trys..but you just want me.

Dad does take you most mornings when you wake up at 6ish and I get to sleep another hour or so.

You and dad love playing "a-boo". You giggle and laugh and are so on to his tricks.

If dad is in the room while you are nursing you love to pop off every few seconds (not kidding) and just make sure he's still there. He has to remind you, "it's OK nutty I'm here just keep eating"..and then with a little " everything is the way I want it" face you burrow back down for a snack.

Sometimes during the day you eat for a few seconds and then you want to come up to full sitting position. Not kidding.. and then 2secs later back down again. Down and up, down and up. It's one of our wrestling eating sessions.

You are not naked enough. I really dislike this.

We are using the maya sling more and more. Easy and fast to put on and off. I think you are still more comfy in the moby..but in the sling I can wear you on my hip and you can see out easier.

I think it's time to get you a big girl stroller. We have only use the Snap n' Go since you were born.

You got your passport photo taken!!! How rad is it that you will have a baby passport?! You are the coolest.

Nicknames this month include the old standbys (nutty, nutz, do-do) and a few new ones have made the rotation, daddy's sweet pickle, nov's, novita, novi. And I have always called you "my precious"...I am just now realizing how creepy that may be.

We also say the the phrases "yes, I'm your mommy" or "I'm your dad" or "you're my sweet baby", "you're MY baby"...A LOT. I'm sure you are thinking..OK weirdos. Isn't this information we all already know?

My favorite times of the days are two: right when you wake up from a nap- I unwrap you and rub your belly while we take about your dreams. Then I pick you up and you rest on my shoulder. Then we walk into the bathroom and look at us cheek to cheek in the mirror. We both smile and fall a little bit more in love. Then we walk into the family room area and say hi to your house..all while your cheek is still pressed to mine.

My second favorite time of the day is bathtime. For what ever reason time stands still at bathtime. One of us is in the tub with you, while the other sits next to the tub..and as a family we enjoy 15mins of having nothing else to do. Water is just that way. It washes away stress and hurry. Makes us slow down.

I had someone tell me this month that I am one of the most attached parents he knows. Me thinking this was a HUGE compliment, thanked him. Turns out he wasn't trying to compliment me. I am finding more and more peoples attitudes about parenting has a lot to do with what's included or missing from their own lives. If they don't feel very attached or intimate with anyone else than it's hard for them to understand the type of relationship dad and I care so much about trying to create with you.

Here are some simple parenting philosophies I feel absolute about; 1, You can't love your child too much. Impossible. 2, Being around them as much as possible is what they want and need. 3, Building trust with my daughter now means a stronger bond through adulthood.

Everyday I am becoming a more confident mother...but the fear and the worry about not doing it "right" is still there. I do think attachment can run the wrong direction but only when the parent wants to keep the child from progressing. I live for your development and independence. So far so good.

Also, just so everyone knows, we don't like to wait until you are begging to give you what you need. If we see the signs of hunger or that you're tired we won't wait until you are screaming until we give it to you. What's the point? You don't have a lot of reasons to cry, so you don't

But sometimes you need to cry for a release but it is never because you are hungry or we are keeping you up. Before you fall asleep you like to have a good cry. I've learned this is just what you usually do before you can settle down.

We are both anxious for the big family/work change happening this weekend. We sit at home and count the seconds. Life is about to change in a really amazing way..and we are doing it mainly for you. Pretty much any worthwhile desicion now has to do with you.

Novs, can you do me favor and just be my little baby forever? Forever and forever x's a million? That would really be great.

Also, how would you feel about a sibling? NO we are not pregnant....but wouldn't a little boy for Nutty to boss around be the best? I also secretly day dream about a house full of little girls all hanging around Grant's neck smothering their papa with kisses? (Of course I see this daydream in the form of a photograph). I mean a house full of little women all calling me marme would be the bee's knees. My baby is 7mos old WHY am I thinking about a house full of kids!!!!!?? I am exhausted to the max thinking about it...but at the same time have butterflies in my stomach like it's Christmas morning.

Being a mom is the #1 best ever. For those of you getting close to having your 1st child, I'm sure you are being smothered with all of the "never sleep again" "go on as many dates as you can now"  horror stories...and they're all true (to an extent). But your love for your child runs so deep that you want to make the sacrifice. You'll ask to make the sacrifice. That's what true love does. It eats all your brain cells. You find yourself running on full power with an empty brain and an overflowing heart. As always, Friday Night Lights says it best, "Clear eyes, full heart, can't loose".

Novs, you and I are gonna take state. Mark my words.

 

 

(images shot on film and digital, mixed!)

 

 

 

 

 

Mama's + Babies

We had a little baby party yesterday with some of the parents and babies that we did our birth prep classes with. It was so much fun!

Pictured: Willa, Nova and Pierce just hanging with their favorite ladies.

Sadly we are missing two of the mamas and two of the babies in this photo...Leif and Dempsey next time we need a photo with you.

We just love our birth center family and feel so grateful we have taken this journey with them.

(ps. we are watching Pierce's dad doing a jig for the babies..the things we do for smiles...)

6 Months

 (my apologies if the color and quality are off with these images...computer on the outs...new one on its way!..tip: looks better viewing on a desktop rather than a laptop) You are 6 months old.

Feels weird to say that.

It's been the longest and slowest 6 months of my entire life.

Big news!!!! You are crawling!!

..I guess you are still "army" crawling, dragging your belly along but you can get anywhere you want. If there is an iphone on the ground you will find a way to get it in your mouth.

You seem to be more deliberate about everything.

You remember if I take something away from you  and sometimes cry if you are mad about it!!

You have gone up another size in diapers. Size 2 thank you very much.

You officially weigh 14.7lbs. Still a small thing but growing.

I can't believe I did SO much cloth diaper research and here you are wearing disposables. I should have started with cloth the moment you were born.

You are close to sitting on your own but don't care about that very much. You would rather be on your belly inching along or jumping.

Speaking of jumping we bought you one of those excersaucers because you loved to stand so much. Every time you get in it you get the silliest grin on your face like you've tricked us into giving you what you want.

Your hand control is crazy good now.

You constantly pinch, pull and grab your dear ole' Mom.

My hair fascinates you. Especially my bangs.

You have been giggling when I swish my bangs in your face and sing, " check baby, check baby, one two..."

I think you might be into fashion. If I have a new article of clothing on, you notice. Makeup on, you notice.

If a towel is on my head it's almost more than you can handle. It might be the most intriguing thing you have ever seen.

When you wake up in the morning you just crawl all over us. This morning you pulled at my bangs and grabbed my checks until I sang you your morning song. "In the leafy treetops the birds sing good morning...".

You are still sporting the swaddle although we are trying to get you to nap with one arm out. You fight being wrapped but refuse to nod off to sleep without it. Sigh. Some babies fall asleep on a blanket mid play right? Tell me it isn't so!

You only want your binky as you are falling asleep. Never when you are awake. And once you are asleep out it pops.

Eating + biting. You know what I'm talking about and it's not funny.

You kind of thrash around when you sleep and are rubbing a lot of your hair off. Dad likes to constantly point out your bald strip in the back.

Your favorite things to play with: Anything that is not toys.

Anything we put near our mouths you want. Water bottles, cups, chapstick. Remotes, phones, computers, the fuzzy carpet we don't want you to eat, boxes, books...

I actually think your two main sources of food groups are; breastmilk and print. You love eating paper. You actually just love putting everything in your mouth and paper just happens to dissolve.

We have tried feeding you solids. Mostly you just make icky faces and act like we're gagging you. I can understand that reaction to the brown rice I made you but sweet potatoes? bananas? apples? Sorry to break it to you honey but food doesn't get much sweeter than that. Maybe we will just breastfeed until you are 18. YES!!!!

You do have a couple favorite "toy" toys, the dolly Aunt Amy gave you and the duckie Grandma Thurston gave you. Thank you!

Papa saw a license plate holder last week that said, " Only the best Dads are called Papa". That's why we call him big Papa!!!

You have outgrown your puj tub for the sink. Well..size wise you still fit but you were too active. And you figured out how to turn the water on and off. We are now giving you baths in the tub w one of us.

You always jump when we pull the shower curtain back. Always.

Bedtime still consists of the L-O-V-E song, jammies, recapping our day, swaddle and feed to sleep. You are almost always asleep by 7 and don't wake up to play until 6:30am.

That isn't to say you don't wake up.

I'm starting to think your nighttime wake-ups are a product of co-sleeping and not much else. I am there, you stir, decide you want a drink and 5-10mins later you are knocked out and we both fall asleep again. Is my sleep interupted, yes. Is yours? Not sure. Can I imagine you in another room at nights yet, no. Both of us think it seems more natural to have you with us and so we do.

I think for most intents and purposes you don't need a book to care for a baby. You just do what feels natural and usually that's the best thing for everyone involved. I know this doesn't always work but for the most part this is how we have gone about it and have been happy. Yes, I own tons of books on the subject but am learning instinct is my best tool.

You are starting to recognize your name...although we fear you think your name is "nutty". What if you grow up and people call you Nutty, or Nutzies or Do Do? Nutty Porter...I guess it works.

I think you are starting to finally gain some weight and you are wearing 3-6mos clothing. Although some of your long onesies are still 0-3.

You and I do this thing where either one of us will start making little cooing noises and the other one will intimidate the other. You definitely are on to the game. It's so fun..like we are singing a duet together.

You went to Hawaii this last month. You lucky baby.

You sucked on a strange lady's hand on a plane once (she said she had just washed and didn't mind).

Also a crazy french flight attendant begged to hold you so I let her and she proceeded to greet everyone entering the plane with you..Saying you were Delta's youngest flight attendant.

So many people in airports reach out for you like I am just going to hand you over. Umm, I don't think so! Every once in a blue moon...but is that normal? Hi I am a stranger and you have no idea if I am a nice person..please hand me your baby so I can breath on her and possibly kidnap her. Thanks but no thanks.

Lately I am getting worried that you are bored. I know I am crazy. It's me getting use to the simple interaction that a baby needs. We play on the floor, go for walks, read books, dip our toes in the pool, sing songs, bounce in your bouncer, practice sitting up, you get independent play time, attack each other like we are eating the other one for dinner, snuggle, kiss....and yet sometime I find myself asking your Papa when he leaves for work what we should do while he's gone. Unless he's home to help I can only really work when you are asleep which is on and off for about 3hrs a day. Otherwise I feel guilty doing anything but tend to you while you are awake. I live for you and care more about your and Papa's well being above anything else but the truth is..sometimes the days feel long. Being a Mom is full time.

I'm always a little sleep deprived. My sense of style has flown out the window. Doing my hair is the last thing I have time for. A stack of papers grows in the office. I catch you licking our cement floors and I don't always stop you. I am on my iphone too much. I should be productive when you go to sleep and instead I want to watch the John Adams HBO series with your dad.

I'm far from perfect..but my  love for you is.

Lately after you fall asleep on me eating, before bedtime..I will roll you into the crook of my arm and just look at you. I get really close so I can smell you and feel your breath and I am filled with shooting star exploding kind of love. My eyes get kind of misty and I try to decide if the size of your head is really as big as it seems to me. When did you grow so big? You are not my newborn anymore...but in the dim light of our bedroom with you in the crook of my arm and my eyes kind of squinted I can see the same face I saw February 18th 2011 at 10:27pm. I see those cheeks and those eyes. I see you. And then I try to decide if I should just stay awake all night staring at you because you might not fall asleep in my arms for very much longer. Surely staying up all night staring at you and wondering at the wonder you are would be a good idea?...It's a dilemma every night.

Shooting star exploding kind of love for my Nova. My Super Nova.

32,400 Minutes

(some of my favorite feeding photos since birth. Taken by Grant, myself and the 1st one by my sister Anna.)

3 hours a day

21 hours a week

90 hours a month

540 hours in 6 months

22 1/2 days of strait breastfeeding since birth.

I have almost spent an entire month since she has been born just feeding her.

If you've ever wondered why new moms talk about breastfeeding so much, the numbers above are why.

Everyone's experience with breastfeeding is different. For us, once we made it past the first 3 weeks we were golden. So convenient. So comforting. Keeps us close. We love it. It is a lot of work and time (see numbers above) so part of me is glad 6 months of feeding is behind us but a larger part of me is kind of sad that so many months have already past.

Transitioning into motherhood is not nearly as strange as some may imagine it to be. I had always hoped breastfeeding would feel normal and it has.

Bodies are just knocking my socks off this year.

And while I'm crunching numbers.. if breastfeeding is suppose to burn and extra 500 calories a day that's 11,000 calories that should be missing from my bod. Somehow the baby's home has managed to hang on for dear life. Sometimes when we are rolling around on the ground together and she comes upon her old home (ie: belly mush) she will start rooting around and sucking like it's another body part altogether. I can't decide if the joke is on her or me.

Today my little munchkin is 6months old. I have single single-handedly kept her alive with my body for 16 entire months. I think that deserves a huge prize!!..Maybe the prize is a baby that has survived for 16 entire months.

6month photos and thoughts coming soon. Just had to rely those numbers since today is a landmark day.

What are your thoughts on breastfeeding? Did it work for you and your babes?