Oh my. I love you so much.
If someone just looks at you, you smile.
Your smile is pure joy.
Your needs are so simple and your intentions are so pure.
Holding you is free therapy.
Just holding you makes everything so much better than whatever it was like before I was holding you.
I know that all of this time I get to hold and love on you will change. I know you won’t fall to sleep on me forever...so I am really trying to savor it. Every once in a while after you fall asleep eating with me, I will lift up the blanket to look at your sleeping feet, crossed at the ankles, your chubby hand, spread across my chest. Your full belly, moving in and out with you breathing against skin.
I know my memory will fade but I can read this and remember that for those few seconds that I adored you while you slept, loving you was all that mattered.
You are moving so so much.
You can get wherever you want by pushing up to your hands and knees and then propelling yourself forward. Your dad and I like to joke that we are breeding a race of super humans.
You like to lounge on your side and be propped in sitting position between my legs.
You are a major jumper like your sister. Constant jumping from sun up til sun down.
Unless you are eating or sleeping what’s the point of being held like a baby?
You are a big boy now and prefer to be treated like one.
You are so great at grasping everything and exploring with your mouth.
Your favorite position is hands clasped together in prayer position, in your mouth. While your eyes twinkle with the excitement at being able to gnaw on your fingers.
Carrying you around in the carrier is starting to wear me out a little. So funny! Your sister was so much lighter than you I never noticed...but you are a bit heftier. I love it.
I love your weight and how it feels to hold you.
You are way interested in food, so we have let you try banana and pineapple. You are kind of obsessed. I feel bad, but I don’t want to really start feeding you solids yet. Want you to stay a baby.
You grew out of your Puj tub in the sink so we have started bathing you with Nova. It is kind of chaotic with all the soap and slippery skin but you are all smiles.
I think since you are starting to move more, sister is getting a little more physical with you and likes to roll you to where she wants you to be.
Sometimes she loves hard with big squeezes that never end and gritted teeth through which she is baby talking to you.
We stay close by to make sure her wrestling stays “fun”...and I have admit it is kind of awesome to see you two “playing” with eachother. So glad you have each other.
The cutest thing EVER: If she is jumping on the bed and one of us holds you and jumps you facing her, you laugh everytime. Then you both do bums and she wants us to drop you on top of her chest like you are getting her. We do this over and over until my arms are burning from keeping you in mid air for so long.
I am willing to bet there is NO sound better than a baby laugh. Anyone care to challenge that?
I want to shoot more videos of you, more still photos, more shots of your sister and you together. More shots of us together, more images of the whole family. Truth be told I wish there was a way to have a still frame of every second of everyday. It is so hard to edit what moments I want to photograph and what moments I just need to remember. Feels like torture.
I love being your mom so much I don’t want to forget what your face looks like when you wake up..or when you fall asleep, or when sister gets really loud or when I tickle you and your face turns into sunshine.
Both, you and your sister, have the best faces.
We are still holding on to the swing. You sleep most naps in it and start your night in it.
Sometimes you sleep short diddys during the day in our bed but swing is king. Kind of scared of what happens when you outgrow it..which is in our near future.
Love sleeping with you, I do. But the last month I have been more tired because you are up more. Every night from about 2:30-3:30am you usually have to poop (Sorry TMI) and it keeps you up. Usually you are happy enough, not crying but just can’t get comfortable. Poor dude. Poor Mom. But I know it will change again by the time I blink.
We went on your first road trip this last week to Utah. You were a champ.
Traveling with little ones is a lot of work but so worth it to have you all with me. I always prefer you close enough that I can kiss.
You are wearing 6-9mos clothes and we just moved you up to size 3 diapers. After 4 nights in a row of you blowing out of diapers we were like “duh”!
If you wake up crying, which you do on occasion, you cough a lot while we are picking you up. Not sure that you really have to cough seems like a bit of dramatics and I eat it up.
You also LOVE touching and grabbing faces.
The other night I was feeding you to sleep and after your belly was full but you were still awake, I just laid you next to me and I sang to you while you cooed at me while looking in my eyes and touching my cheek. I was so in love.
You also like to talk while you eat sometimes too. You will stay latched on but babble about something and then go on eating. Just so you know I am always listening.
Sister has started asking “What does Ba-ga-ga mean?” When you make a sound that sounds similar. “What does that mean?”. I guess we are all listening.
We pretty much live on pins and needles for you and everything you give to us. We are like starving island survivors and you are our coconut water.
I could stare at you and Nova all day long watching your every moves and be content for a very long time. Saying I am intrigued is an understatement.
Can hardly believe you are almost halfway through your first year.
What can I do better? What can I give you more of? I am sure my shortcomings are more about me and less about you. I have a feeling you are pretty happy with me. You don’t have the expectations that I do of myself. You want to be loved. Check. Done. 100 and a million percent. You want to be fed and need some help sleeping. Done. I live for my kids to be full and well rested. I am grateful you start little with such simple needs so I can have time to develop into what you need me to be.
I am learning and you are happy letting me. And for that I am grateful.
You are so forgiving, so perfect in your forgiveness and your ability to move on. I would say perfect, actually. Can a baby be flawed? It’s amazing. You can’t make mistakes. It is so inspiring to watch and be surrounded by such innocence, love and pure acceptance.
Wow. I am so blessed to have you as mine. I promise to never take that for granted.
My buddy, banksy bear, noodle, sweet boy. 5 months is my favorite so far.
Forever yours,
Mom