Duke 2 Months

People still ask how old you are when we are out and about and when I tell them 8 weeks most of them get really big eyes. Really?? There is just so much of you that most people assume you are older than you are.

When you are asleep, hungry, sad or eating you look like an itty newborn.

When you are awake you look like a 6 month old.

OK, not really...but kind of, minus being able to sit up on your own.

You have super old wise eyes. You see everything and notice and look and wonder.

I love my curious babies.

So even though you may be young, sometimes I feel like you have been around so much longer and I am starting to think that maybe it has to do with those deep blue ocean eyes.

Little things I am loving about you that maybe only a mom would notice:

When you are half asleep eating, you will come off and thrash around, acting really uncomfortable and rooting around like mad. Super frantic. and then two seconds later, attached and fast asleep.

You sleep hot and when I pick you up off your back it is almost always sweaty.

You have started grabbing my clothes and like to hold on to the neckline of my shirts while you eat.

I can almost always find some lint in your neck folds.

You would always rather sleep in the crook of my arm than with your head on the bed next to me. How can this be more comfortable?

If you are ever a little fussy and tired a few short pats to the back puts you to sleep. Dad and I laugh when we do it. It’s like a reset button.

You are smiling so much more and lots at me. I sang you your lullabye this past week and you coo’d along with smiles.

Duke! You are so rad!!

Going out is getting easier.

We had this super fun morning at this little Anini beach cove that we love and you hung out, touched the ocean with your piggies and then slept for at least an hour in your carseat while we are able to swim and play (within earshot, of course). Felt so luxurious for a mom who hasn’t been able to be in the water much for the last couple of months.

We also took your little seat/bouncer down to the pool and you chilled super hard in it for about an hour while we all swam. You were super content and so I just tried to enjoy myself...although I would always rather be touching or holding you. Mom problems.

The kids are still all up in your grill.

For the most part you are used to it but I do still have to remind Fairbanks not to drive his cars over your head and I have to remind Nova to talk quieter in your ear while she whispers she loves you over and over.

Last night I was doing bedtime with the three of you by myself and there was a really nice moment when all of us were laying on the bed together reading a book. It felt really awesome relaxing and snuggling with my three beautiful kids.

You have been sleeping so great. Usually at night you lay down between 7pm and 8pm and sleep strait for 5-6hrs. Then we lay side by side the rest of the night. Or with you draped half over me.

You are a mouth foamer. It is making us think you might start teething pretty early.

It was pretty crappy when you got croup this month :(

When family was in town a bunch of people were sick with croup and I thought I kept you away enough but it was kind of impossible to quarantine our whole family unless we weren’t going to participate at all. I should have just stayed home with you but I didn’t. Should always listen to my gut.

There were a couple rough days when you were on breathing treatments at home and I was on life watch. Making sure you were breathing enough (or not too much), watching your color, listening to your sounds. It wasn’t the most stress free I had ever been. We went to the doctors office 4 times in a matter of three days.

I have known a few people who have lost young babies and during times like these I think of that. It’s a rough thought.

I know life is a gift and as a mother I feel like I helped to give it and it’s my job to help make it last as long as possible. Because of this I have never felt so much anxiety in my life. I am guessing most moms/parents can relate. Your everything depends on me right now.

I am typing this as you sit and stare at me. Everytime I stop and look and smile at you, you kick your feet and coo and your eyes get wider. Wondering, “What now?” “More of this?” “OK.”

You have complete trust in me. And it is my job to make sure that never changes.

Well, you got better and I relaxed a little.

Oh babies!

I love your little bald head on top and then your little old man ring of hair around the back/bottom.

I love how chunky your thighs are! I have never had a chunky thigh baby until now. It’s the best.

Sometime when you are sad in the car I sit in a contorted position so you can suck on my pointer finger. It works but MY BACK. My poor back.

We just ordered your first box of size 2 diapers. It’s wild. You grow grow growing.

I need to buy you more clothes because 3mos stuff is already getting tight.

You still do that little, arms by the ears/back arched, newborn stretch when I pick you up after waking up. Helps me feel like maybe you are not so old after all.

I love being with you on Kauai but it is still kind of hard to be out all day with you. I just want to spend the day at the beach, but you max out after an hour or so.

I guess it doesn’t matter where you live, newborn time is newborn time and you would prefer to be home. I get it.

At this point I don’t know if you are my last baby or not. I don’t know if this will be my last time holding a 2 month old as they sleep.

All I can do with all the unknowns is try my best to be present. Not dwelling in the past or daydreaming too much about the future...but being with you right here, right now.

Even writing these monthly recaps helps me do that.

Helps me to notice the small things and slow down.

Sometimes it can seem as though not much has changed and then I read last month and realize how fleeting it all is.

Instead of mourning this fact I try my best to celebrate it.

I can let the house get dirty and stay in my jammies all day. Right now is the time I have when you want me to hold you always and it’s OK if we just look at each other. Staring at each other is enough. So simple and so profound are your needs right now.

I cherish your loving, patient spirit.

A void was filled in my heart when you joined our family.

I was waiting for you.

We all were.


Love my doodeedoodeedoodee bear. My one, my only, Duke.