1 Year

A month has passed since we celebrated your first birthday.

For your birthday we went camping for the first time as a family. Of course I wanted to throw a ginormous party for you but given the timing and a bunch of other factors we decided that something smaller would be better BUT I still wanted it to be special.

People ask all the time about your name and why we chose it. When they hear it some think of a wealthy trust fund baby which makes me smile because what I think of couldn’t be farther from that. You were named after my birth city of Fairbanks Alaska. When I think of your name I think of trees and wildlife and bears and berries and crisp clean air. I think of mountains and views and vistas. I think of my happy beginnings and the uniqueness of where my life started. Alaska has a magic untouched feel...“frontier” is a good word to describe it. Your father and I wanted to bless you with a name that would transport you to a mountain top with your arms outstretched welcoming all the adventure, beauty and happiness that life had waiting for you. Fairbanks makes us think of that. Camping for your 1st birthday seemed like the perfect fit!

I made you a s'mores cake with graham cracker cake, chocolate ganache frosting and fire toasted marshmallows on top.

We sang you happy birthday and kissed your squishy cheeks.

You loved playing in the tent and exploring the campsite.

Sleeping that night was another story, but luckily we had each other and I kept you warm and snacked ALL NIGHT LONG.

I loved reminiscing this past month about your first year and all the sweet moments I have had with you.

It has been easy to remember how close we have become given the fact that you are super attached to me right now.

Mama everything.

You walk around the house calling for me, reaching for me.

If you get hurt or fall or are hungry or are happy or just see me...you want me.

We walk cheek to cheek usually with your blue blankie trailing around with us.

You are talking so much more! You say Mama, Dada, Uh-oh, Bye, Hi and you make a barking sound for puppies.

You use your little finger to point to what you want.

You beg for us to pick you up and then we quickly find out we are being used for our height as you lean out from us to reach light switches, thermostat, mirrors, microwave, oven knobs, light fixtures. You want to touch it all.

You especially love opening and closing the microwave and play peek a boo with us on one side and you leaning around the other. I can see your squinty smile through the door and you can see mine.

It seems like you went from taking your first step to almost running in no time.

Love watching you walk around the house “doing stuff” in your diaper and amber necklace.

I love watching your little tummy and flat feet explore your domain….you will catch me watching you and will make the cutest, flirtiest faces at me..which usually end with your classic melt-me-in-a-puddle smiles.

All this walking and climbing has made for some rough falls. One day you fell off our bed, the planter box outside, AND you hit your head really hard on the rocking chair arm. It was a rough day for all of us.

Despite all the head bonks you remain bright and smart (phew).

You love singing with me and it’s my favorite when you put your hands on the side of your head at the end of singing “ball for baby”, during the peek a boo part.

You also are quite snuggly, you like wrestling and love a good snuggle kiss as we roll around on the ground kiss-growling. Hard to explain, have to be there.

Sometimes you just open mouth kiss me. I am 100% fine with that.

Eating is going well. We still BF on demand but you also love your oatmeal and fruit and...everything really.

You do prefer to eat like an adult though. Must have a utensil and plate and cup. I would prefer you to stay in the “hands eating phase” a little longer but you want to learn or something. I guess that’s suppose to happen.

You pretty much sleep through the night and have transitioned to one nap for 2-3hrs.

In the morning you come snuggle eat with me in bed and then you like to crawl all over me smiling with contentment like you are the king of me. Which, lets face it, you kind of are.

Your hair is golden and curly.

Your skin is getting a tan,

If you see a pair of your shoes you carry them to us, asking to put them on. You love shoes. Taking after your uncle Jared.

Sister is still your #1 fan and torturer. You two love laughing during tickle wars, fighting over who gets to sit in the rocking chair. She gives you a boost up on the couch whether you need it or not. She loves to zoom past you...just getting close enough to brush your shoulder and knock you down. She loves feeding you, helping you, dancing for you, singing to you. And when you are sad and she helps you feel better, you should see the look on her face. “Mom bubbies was sad, but I sang a song and he calmed down!”

She loves prepping your room before you go to bed. She will turn on your white noise and the fan and insists on having a night light on for you so you aren't scared.

If she even hears you breathe in your room in the morning or after nap time she BEGS for us to go get you. She can’t wait to see you and always wants you around.

We decided this last month to move to Kauai! I can’t wait to share that island with you.

I am sad to sell the house you were born in. I will always love this house deeply for holding that memory for me. Your birth was all bright and sunny and happy, just like you. Those huge windows in the family room almost made it seem like you were born outside, which is fitting.

You love being outside, playing at the park, digging in dirt, holding the hose. Being lifted up to see the doggies in the neighbors' yard.

The curls on the back of your head backlit by the late afternoon sun.

Still so in awe of you everyday. Of your existence. Your individuality. Your unconditional love.

I daydream most of the day and I love thinking up stories about you and the life you will grow into.

Sometimes I imagine you being in love (with someone other than me). Sometimes I imagine you working really hard to stand up on your surfboard and the look on your face once you do! Sometimes I imagine you in a new class at school feeling a little unsure but then someone sitting next to you smiles and some of the uneasiness melts away. Sometimes I imagine tucking you into bed at night and listening to you tell me about your day and your feelings and your dreams. I can hear your voice and the way your words sound.

And in every scenario I imagine, you are still looking at me with those eyes that melt icebergs. You are still smiling your bigger than the whole world smile and you and I are still immensely connected to each other.

I am not going to worry about missing the baby you..because for now you are who you are, reaching up to hold on to my hand and lead me around the house. For now you are the perfect age. My favorite age. And tomorrow will be my favorite age too.

Happy first year my bubby boy.