One week old today.
I know I have a newborn..because I am walking around the house holding one but honestly I am still in shock. So you're here. Did that happen in a flash for anybody else?
Maybe it was you being 4 days early. Or the fact that this labor was WAY shorter than your sisters. Or maybe because you came right in the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday...when people are out riding bikes and having picnics...and there I was holding my lucky charm.
I am excited to share your birth story but it will have to wait a little bit longer as I process.
Here are some notable facts about your birthday:
You were born on March 30th, 2013, in the water at home at 3:23pm on a Saturday with light streaming through the family room windows. You weighed just under 10lbs (9lbs 15 ounces)...so I am claiming 10lbs. Besides the fact that you were were healthy and perfect, the 2nd most extraordinary occurrence was you being born in the caul! Meaning part of the water sac still covering your head and face as you came out. This is supposedly extremely rare and is said it brings good luck and well as being an indication of you being a natural healer. I just think it's pretty cool. You are welcome for the super strong water sac.
So much more to say...but will have to wait a bit longer.
My sweet sweet Fairbanks. It feels so normal to have you here with us. From the first moment I held you and fed you it seemed like we had been doing it for ages.
Your sister Nova tells you at least 30 times a day that she loves you. Not joking. If you don't grow up to have the worlds best self esteem than I will be shocked. You are showered with love from all of us.
Nova begs to hold you and one of the very first times she did she broke out in song..."edelweiss, edelweiss....clean and bright, clean and bright". My heart melted into a million pieces.
She pats your back and tells you it's OK and kisses you every chance she gets. She asks for you when she wakes up and if she ever has been away from you. She wants you to always come with her outside, or on errands or to her bedroom. She is bonkers for you.
Sometimes when she is holding you, you swat at her face and she laughs and says "funny baby bruda!". She is your biggest fan.
I even think she sees you and I as the same person now. Loving one of us is loving both of us...and that makes sense. We are pretty much one.
I have probably held you 99% of your life so far. And that seems right.
Even when I have to set you down or let someone else hold you...I wish I could keep you. You have taken all of your sleeps in my arms except for a few you have had with Dad.
Since you weighed more at birth I think you sleep more soundly because of it. We had a 5hr stretch your first night and since then all we do is wake and feed and then you fall back asleep on me for anywhere from 2-4hrs. Sure my sleep is interrupted but in any given night I get at least 6hrs of on and off sleep. That is a win in my book.
Since your labor and birth were quicker than Nova's the healing as been much milder..and I have felt really good. No extreme exhaustion or pain or physically weird stuff. Maybe it also has something to do with my body having done it before. I am grateful.
Of course when you give birth you have some gnarly hormone drops in the days following the birth, tears are shed and I wonder if I am being the best mom possible for you. I know it is all part of the normal order of things...and you don't expect me to be a robot.
Since you are little but not SO little...I want to dress you in all your littlest clothes before you grow right out of them. Really there is no reason for a newborn to be dressed and I want as much skin to skin with you as possible but those tiny onesies call to me.
You rarely open your eyes. Like practically never. It's so cute. Nova was super wide eyed from the moment she was born...but you are the opposite. Sleepy and content to wait a bit longer to see what is beyond you and I. I don't mind being your eyes as long as you like.
Grandma and Grandpa Thurston have been here helping to take care of us and it has been so nice.
I loved the way you felt moving inside of me pregnant and it always takes me a while to believe that I am not pregnant anymore...I always am left feeling a little hollow and confused....but when I hold you against me every once in a while I recognize your movements. Your strong kicks and sensitive knee jerk movements. It is super comforting.
You are a pro eater! My milk came in day 2 and we haven't slowed down. It is an adjustment (mainly for my body..ouch) but you are doing such a great job! You poop and pee like you a professional. I think on day 3 we changed 7 diapers. I had no idea a newborn could poop this much. I am a proud mama bear.
Speaking of bears...I like to call you my lil bear....but really I call you Fairbanks most of the time. Banksy is another nickname and I am sure more will come. For now I am OK with you just being my "baby".
I already find myself regretting the days that pass not wanting you to grow up and knowing from experience that I can't stop it. It's like being on a train ride where every view out the window is the most beautiful thing you have ever laid eyes on and then in a flash it is gone but replaced with an equally beautiful sight.
It's heartbreaking loving this much. My heart breaks over and over again for you and your sister.
I was reminded of these words by Kahlil Gibran these last few weeks:
"To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully."
To me this is what being a parent is...or at least being a mother. I know, and still walk fiercely into it. It takes being brave in a way I never knew I would have to be.
So much more is in store for us as you help me become a mother and I help you become a man.
My sweet baby boy. I am so blessed to call you mine.